Handy Things: A correction

Well, I've been writing this blog for just over a week now, and it's already time to issue a correction.

When I said that tyre levers were the handiest bike tool you could possibly buy, I wasn't so much putting the cart before the horse, or the egg before the chicken, or the chicken before the egg, as putting the Spicy Family Megabucket Meal before the egg and the chicken.

How so?

I completely forgot about pumps.

Even if you manage to spend your whole life cycling and never ever ever get a puncture, your tyres will still go flat at some point. It's as inevitable as the universe ending in megagalactic heat death, but slightly easier to recover from.

To my knowledge, there are two main types of pump you can buy - hand pumps and track pumps.

You'll almost certainly need a hand pump. These are the cylindrical ones that fit easily in a backpack or which can be fixed to the frame of your bike. If you're smart, you'll carry one of these with you any time you're doing a ride of any distance. (I don't, but this is another instance of "do what I say, not what I do".) If it's raining, you're still a distance from home, and you get a slow puncture, you may be able to get enough air back in your tyre to nurse your bike back home.

I got by absolutely fine for years just with one of these, but I treated myself to a little toy a year or so back ... a track pump. These are bigger jobs, with a footplate either side of a large barrel, and a handle on top which you push up and down. It's absolutely no bother to get your tyres up to exactly the right pressure in next to no time.

One word of warning when buying a pump ... make sure you get a good one. In my experience, cheap and nasty ones tend not to fit tightly onto tyre valves, and a lot of the air you're pumping in comes out again pretty rapidly.

Knowing the difference between shiny things and handy things, #1

Hello again!

If you know me at all, you'll know that I can be rather easily distracted. I drift off somewhere else in the middle of a conversation. I go to a rugby match, and forget the score before I've left the stadium. I interrupt a meeting with "ooh, look ... a squirrel". It then follows fairly naturally that I'm distracted by shiny things too, including bike maintenance shiny things.

Over time, I've collected one or two bits and bobs which should have helped with maintenance, but I haven't actually used that much. Tonight (and for the next couple of months, provided I don't get distracted), I'm here to help stop you doing the same with my own thoughts on the absolutely most invaluable, useful things you can buy if you're starting from nothing.

There's no better place to start than tyre levers. As far as I'm concerned, you should be compelled by law to buy a set of these when you take ownership of a bike. Everyone gets punctures, and there is no other way to remove a tyre.

Well ... that's not quite true. In the misty past of my youth, I somehow managed to change a couple of tyres using only screwdrivers (and, I presume, an immense amount of perseverence), but I do also remember gouging a chunk out of my hand when one of them slipped. I've also heard people claim you can do it with a couple of spoons, but I suspect they're probably just a bit confused, and stir their tea and eat cornflakes with tyre levers.

I have two sets of tyre levers, which you can see in the photo here:

They both work, but my personal preference is for the red ones. Because they're a bit wider at the non-hook end (aren't I great with technical terms - I'll do a post on that some other time), they give a bit more purchase, which is especially useful if you're struggling to get a tyre back on. (Despite everything you read to the contrary, if you're anything like me, you probably will.)

I'll be back soon with my #2 in the list of handy things to have around. And don't think I've completely forgotten about shiny things, either.

Step 0. Oil

Before we begin on any of the maintenance itself, it's worth spending a little time talking about oil.

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net, photographer m_bartosch

Clearly, the oil used on bikes isn't the delicious treat above, but nor is it oil in the form we probably think of it as ... a dark, gloopy substance. Indeed, I think I'm probably the only person who still calls it oil. It's actually lube, and there are a variety of different types for different bits of your bike. I'd list some of them here, but I don't actually know what they all are yet, let alone explain the differences.

The one thing they all have in common is that they get everywhere. If ever you're doing any work on your bike, assume that anything you touch other than the handlebars, saddle and levers will have some form of lube on them. It seems to me that the attitude towards lube of people who service bikes is very similar to that of the people who make sandwiches for supermarkets towards mayonnaise - if in doubt, slap in a good helping of it. (The difference of course being that bike lube is much more appetising than mayonnaise.)

All that said, specific points to note are:

1. Whenever you're doing work on your bike, make sure you're wearing clothes that it won't matter if they get dirty. Overalls you've used for decorating would be a good choice.
2. All the grimy dirty stuff that sticks to the lube also has an affinity for sticking under your fingernails far more strongly than you'd expect. Save yourself a lot of scrubbing by buying a pack of disposable latex or vinyl gloves. They're not expensive and you should be able to get them in a nearby supermarket without too much difficulty.
3. Remember what side your chain is on! If you're lifting your bike, or reaching around it, you want to avoid coming into contact with your chain. It's the most lubed and grubbiest bit of the bike.
4. If you've got a shed or an area outside to work on your bike, that's the best bet. If you do have to bring it inside, be very very careful what it touches! Specifically, if you have to push it up stairs (which I did for many, many years) check that the bottom of the chain doesn't rub against the floor when you take it up or down the last step.

Alan.

Why "Cycle Maintenance for the Mechanically Gifted"?

I'm glad you asked.

First, some background. When it comes to doing any minor work on my bike - changing tyres, fitting cables, fixing punctures - I have (up until very recently) been a disaster area. One notable (and unsuccessful) attempt to fit a new tyre took me the best part of three hours and left me with two lovely blisters, one on each thumb, which effectively reduced my standing in the tree of life from ape to monkey until they healed.

The title of my blog is therefore very much tongue-in-cheek, and is a homage to the Gary Larson cartoon "Midvale School for the Gifted". (Licensing restrictions prevent me from including it here, but I'm sure you're clever enough to find it for yourself. It's rather funny, don't you think?)

So, I think we've established that, at present, I'm a bit useless when it comes to actually doing work on bikes. I do have a goal, though, and I've got bags of motivation, so I'm determined to learn how to do all of this.

I also hope to be able to help out anyone who happens to be in the same situation of wanting to do their own bike maintenance, but not having the skills to do it. You see, I've found that a lot of the instructions in books, on the web, and even in instructional videos, assume slightly more knowledge of how a bike and its parts work than I actually possess. At times, I need things explained in very short words.

For anyone else in this position, here's the good news ... I'm going to do the hard work for you. I'm going to figure out everything that you're not told, and going to put it into as short words as I can manage. When I remember, I'll include photos, too.

Now won't that be lovely?

Some background

Good evening everybody,

This summer, I'm going to be cycling from London to Paris over the course of four days in aid of Mind, which (for those of you who don't know) is a mental health charity operating in England and Wales. The longest distance I've cycled thus far is the 54 miles from London to Brighton, so clearly there's some work to be done to get ready for this.

And, to those of you who have asked ... no, we don't have to go across the Channel by pedalo.

To add to the training which I'm going to have to do in order to make it all the way there, I'm also planning to do it on a bike I've assembled myself, especially for this event. There are a couple of reasons for this:

• My day-to-day bike, while not too heavy, is a hybrid rather than a proper road bike, and I figure I'll enjoy a long road ride better on a bike suited for the purpose.
• I want to learn how to maintain my own bike, and learning the hard way and making my mistakes on a new bike means I should be able to keep my day-to-day bike on the road!

In a happy coincidence, this side-project also gives me the opportunity to have a blog with a purpose, something I've wanted to do for quite some time now.

I'd be very happy if you joined me for the journey.

Alan.